why i was mad (02/24/08)

first, i want to thank all of those that saw my emotion icon and sent me a message. Thank you guys! it made me mad all over again but i'm starting to get over it quicker because i didn't shut it out like i usually do things!! for those i didn't tell the story to...here it goes....

its all my fault so i was really mad at myself that depicted on self loathing, sad huh? well, it started Wednesday. i just got done with long weekend (i had Monday and Tuesday off) when i didn't look at the weeks upcoming work. when i finally did on Tuesday, i noticed i had 4 papers due (mostly 5 page papers) and an exam. fast forwarding, i finished the first two Wednesday (don't ask how i did it, i still don't know), then came Thursday when i finished my third paper no problem, or so i thought. i was up until 3 or 4 trying to  finish my paper and study for my Chemistry exam. i finished my paper and dropped on my bed and fell asleep. when i woke up, i started to freak! it was 9:45 and i thought i slept though my test! i felt so stupid. but then there was no time for that because i had a class right after, so i thought. so i ran to the library, and polished up my paper and printed it. then i scurried to class. when i got there, there was nobody! so i thought "oh crap! did they change the room it was to be held in!"i sat down and pulled out my laptop to see if we got an email saying that the class was being held in another room. nada. so i text one of my friends that took the class with me. she wrote that class was to be held in the same room. i was like "What the hell?" that was when i took a minute to think. then it hit me. I WAS RUNNING AN HOUR EARLY! i had been rushing around since i got out of bed, i did not think things through. when it was 9, i was thinking like it was 10. so i had enough time to make it to my exam but didn't because i thought it was over! the stupidity i felt was so unbearable i had to go to a place where i felt calm. so i went to the  John Carter Brown library and looked at 16 century maps. i managed to sit through my noon class as if i wasn't the biggest idiot that ever lived. then it all came out when i was talking to my friend over lunch.....reliving all this in my mind, makes me feel stupid and mad all over again. one day, not today or even tomorrow, i will look back on this event and laugh...one day.

Mars (02/15/08)

just got done this morning (around 2) watching the entire 21 episodes of the (i think) Japanese or it might have been Taiwanese series "Mars". Between a college girl that has retreated into herself because of a rape by her father and a want-to-be motorcycle racer who has everyone he loves die around him (with a serious Twin-Mother-Death complex), the show wasn't entirely that bad. I mean, his best friend liked the girl first but then stepped aside so the "hero" could snatch her away. Not to mention his psycho one-night stands swearing they have a connection just to end up being his girlfriend's best friend and his best friend's girlfriend in the end. Oh yeah, did I mention the creepy kid that comes with his own creepy theme sounds? Well, there's that guy too. Was beaten a lot when he was a kid and killed his best friend just because he wanted to play good ("Pitiful creature as I have the ability to take life."-creepy guys main line). Except for the part when there is only ONE race involved in the entire series and a whole lot of life lessons, the entertainment was good, acting…alright. Overall, B- in my book.

Watch it yourself at: http://aznv.tv/en/ (streaming the best asain tv shows/movies)

Trip to Boston (02/03/08)

well, me and a friend left Providence around 12:50. we ran onto the wrong track and saw a train go around the corner away from us. we just stood there asking "was that our train!" we started to freak out and ran to the arrival/departure screen. it was the next track over. when we got to Boston, after almost missing our stop and getting nervous on the ride, we met one of our friends who is from Boston. we went to eat at this place called Charlie's Salon. when we were waiting for our table, two natives came up to us and asked what tribe we were! it was a surprise. they were sioux and the girl was attending high school at one of the private schools! my friend from Boston said that it was a really REALLY good school but expensive as hell. i think she said 50 thou year. i was going to invite them to eat with us but they looked like they were headed somewhere. so, we ate one of the best burgers i've ever had in my life! then went up and down downtown shopping. we went to this candy store and they had that viper poison. you remember those? they were sour candy that came in tubes and had a "snake" inside of the tubes?they usually come in grean (sour apple)/red (sour cherry). but this store only had the spary candy. they don't sell them on the rez anymore...at least i can't find them. then we went to the mall (huge) and shopped there. then my Boston friend dropped us off at the train stating and we came back to Providence. we were going to go ice skating but they said it would be crowded and i might get hurt, it being my first time. next time....hopefully.

Almost Lost My Phone (12/14/07)

Me and my friend were studing in her dorm room and we couldn't take looking at another word again!! so we decided to go for a walk. This was just after it had snowed, so we were walking in huge drifts of snow!..well, i was anyway. i was so happy that i was heading home in about week, i could have ran!! but it being icy and huge with snow, i did the next best thing...i went snow drift jumping!! as i was bounding though  the snow, my foot cought the buried in the snow and i fell. i was so happy, i didn't care. i picked myself up and burshed myself off and we continued to walk. later that night, after our walk and finishing our work, i was packing my things to go back to my dorm and i couldn't find my phone. i was sure i had left it on the desk before our walk. We tore the room apart looking and called it several times with her cell but still couldn't find it. she sujested that i had dropped it on our walk, but i was so sure that i hadn't taken it with me i didn't consider it. it was about 2 in the morning and i hadn't gone to sleep about 4 the pervious night so i was too tiredto care. i walked out. just to be on the safe side i retraced my steps on our walk. i got to the part where i fell and started to carefully dig. moving the snow little by little, all the while thinking "of course i would have to lose my phone, i was happy earlier!" after about 10 minutes of nothing but cold hands, i got mad. i got so mad i started to kick at the snow!! on my second kick, out flew my silver phone. i was so takenaback i just stared at it dumbly for awhil before laughing like a crazy person picking it up. good thing it was still working. it had been in the snow for about 4 hours. i quickly called my friend to tell her it was alright. still laughing, i walked back to my room, stayed up for another hour before going to sleep. over a good night, made me feel alive. too tired to care, worried about my phone and contacting my friends/family from home, and sweet elation at finding it again!! a way to feel alive!!